Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
