I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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