I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
