he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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