I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she told me i tasted like america
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
