i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
