I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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