I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize