At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
