Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
