It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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