It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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