EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
