I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
