It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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