I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
