I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
