I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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