i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want nice things and good sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
