is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
