is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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