his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
