look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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