took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
