glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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