We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
