Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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