I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize