I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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