my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
