The maid of honor just puked.
Welp...herpes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
