Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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