Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
