: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
id be glad to
I need to stop coming to work sober
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
