Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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