Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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