i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
