Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
