Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
