I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
