Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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