I can text with my tongue
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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