I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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