if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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