If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
