So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
