What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
