My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
