she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I AM VODKA MAN
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
