Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
