I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
