I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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