before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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