I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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