so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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