Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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