Where is the hickey?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
