R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
