what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this boner is exhausting
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry about my life...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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