I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
