I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
