Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
