Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize