his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
