My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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