Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
