You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize