dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
