I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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