Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
