Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
