you would pick up someone in the library
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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