I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
