I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
